Expectations and Reality

I have two older brothers. The oldest is turning 29 in January and he's been married since 2007, has 2 kids, yadda yadda yadda. My next oldest brother is 26, and has just entered into a serious relationship. The biggest problem I'm now realizing with this is that I'm next in line, and thus, getting all the "Why aren't you married yet?" questions. Other questions include, but are not limited to; "Why don't your relationships work out?","What do you think is preventing you from dating more?","Do you think if you lost some weight more girls might be interested in you?" (I've seriously been asked that). Given, most of these questions come from my mother, but still. Today after my brother mentioned the seriousness of his current relationship, the prodding increased even further; "You know, I had TWO kids by the time I was your age. (I'm 24 now, by the way) To which my response was, "Well Ethan (my oldest brother) didn't have kids when he was my age!". Then the return was, "Well at least he was MARRIED!" (FYI, this is my mother getting on my case. She tends to be the biggest antagonist in this topic)
*sigh*
This is probably one of my biggest complaints about living in Utah. Gotta get married. Gotta get married. UGH. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not against it happening whatsoever, it's just the PRESSURE is awful. (Yeah, I'm loving the 'Shift' button tonight) And it's not helping that I'm now at the front of the line in my siblings.
Dating is just tough these days, so topics like this tend to be a sensitive subject around me. It's really easy for me to be on the defensive when it comes up. I haven't been on a date since April, so I'm obviously in some sort of dry spell that won't go away. Given, a good part of the blame is on me for this sort of thing to be happening for a couple reasons.
For one, I'm a BIG over-thinker when it comes to dating. (I'm doing it right now for this blog too, heh heh) I just analyze everything that happens and in the end it just bites me in the butt and nothing works out. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. My mind just does it automatically and I'm struggling to find the "SHUT OFF" button. It's really weird because this only really started happening in the last year or so. I'm not entirely sure what sparked it off either. *shrugs*
Secondly, I tend to be really bitter about dating. This is another thing I'm actively working to fix, but it's an attitude that struggles to go away. I've posted several blogs on the "games" of dating, and that's the main reason. It also goes a bit with the first reason, in that I'm bitter due to past experiences in dating, so I'll over-think things so I can avoid being hurt. So in my mind it's either; A: Don't think about it at all, put myself out there, and get hurt or B: Over-think just about everything that happens, and basically talk myself out of every potential person to date, etc.
So...I'm in a lose-lose situation. It's rough. Hopefully with my upcoming move some things will change and I'll get it fixed. Here's hoping!

...

Crap, I'm pretty sure I just did a post about how I didn't want to complain in this blog. Whoops! Time for some positive stuff. Umm...yes, I'm moving up to South Ogden on Dec. 1st. That should be fun. And...my Dads cousin (I'm not sure what you'd call that relationship) gave me a telescope today! It's not as nice as the one I'm saving up to buy, but it should work for now and keep me somewhat satisfied until I bust out the big guns at the beginning of next year.

Anyway, sorry about the intense-ness about dating and marriage and stuff. It was just on my mind when I got home due to the events of the day and I had to get it off my chest a bit despite my thought process jumping around a bunch. I hope you don't mind.

You don't mind, do you? Of course you don't, you're the Internet.