Perspective

Another one of my goals for the year is to make a blog post at least once a month. Sure, it's just a simple internet thingy, but in my opinion, it's a healthy thing to do. I get to let my thoughts go and just put things out there I've been thinking about.

I know I keep bringing it up, but man, this year is going well. Just having this attitude of making the year awesome keeps me pumped all the time. I keep looking back at this weird funk I've been in this last couple years and I just want to smack my 2012 self around a bit. It was pretty awful. Letting all that crud get to me all of the time was just a bad experience overall. Being able to have that perspective on it know gives me encouragement.
Lately it almost seems as if I'm being tested on my resolve to stick to this plan. Things at work aren't going the best right now and I find myself aching to leave and go elsewhere. Speaking of, I put in for a position in a department for America First and I found out today that I didn't get it. My tax return has also been delayed because of a $12 educational credit. This means I have to wait longer for my long desired telescope. Looking at it all makes me think, "Man, I should really be down in the dumps right now." But I'm not. And that's what makes it so awesome.
I feel like I could go on and on about how important attitude is to life and happiness. Heck, I've already posted twice about it in this blog already.

-http://andrewbaham.blogspot.com/2010/07/attitude-is-everything.html

-http://andrewbaham.blogspot.com/2011/02/happy-attitude.html

One great part about vocalizing my thoughts in this blog is that I can go back and be reminded by myself on how great life can be and SHOULD BE. Some days when I feel like I should be melancholy I can hop back to posts like that or certain days in my journal and then think, "Oh yeah, life actually isn't that bad."


Bleh, I'm rambling again, aren't I? Let's just shorten it all to a quick statement and leave it at that: Having all of my goals in place with a strong desire to accomplish all of them is really working out well this year. :D

This new year is also bringing in a lot of new changes. My dating life is picking up. I have yet another date tomorrow, already making this year much better than the last. Also, I got a new calling in church. I'm now the Ward Music Chairman. (If your left eyebrow raised when you read that you had the exact same reaction I did) This is definitely a calling in a whole different ball park than I'm used to. Most of the callings I've had since I've been home have involved teaching and missionary work of some sort, so I'm taking it as a sign that God is working to keep me well rounded. My main job is to organize music numbers for sacrament meetings and just supervise the choir directer and chorister for the ward. So at the moment it seems simple, but we'll have to see how it plays out.

Anyway, that's enough from me for now. I'll work on getting a bit more meat in these posts again. (Another goal maybe?)

2007 The Sequel Update

If you read my last post, you know that my plan for this year is to make it as awesome as 2007 was. It's certainly been interesting so far. I had to dig deep in my head and switch some gears around to get it going. Every time now I'm faced with something that my 2012 self would be "blah" to, I think instead, "What would 2007 Awesome Andrew do?" and it changes a lot. My roommate has been pushing it a bit too. His "don't think, just drink" principle works somewhat in this aspect. Now I'm not doing STUPID things, but just being a bit more outgoing than I have been. The best part is I'm already seeing results. I feel happier and less melancholy, I'm doing more things than just sitting around my place. I'm reading my scriptures every morning. I'm making new friends at my ward. And, if you can believe it, I've already been on a date this year. Things are really starting to look up for me.

The part I tend to struggle with the most is my problem with over-analyzing things. This one might take a little bit to overcome, but I'm determined to make it. I've been doing it for so long that my mind automatically starts into the thought process. "What's going to happen at my job with my numbers not looking so great this month?", "What did she mean when she said that?", "If I go over there will there be contention?". Thoughts like those just lead me into a really bad downward spiral and I find myself in a mood that doesn't fit well with my 2007 repeat year. I'm still trying to think of a good plan to overcome this bad habit, because just saying "Don't think about it." doesn't work for me. I need an emergency procedure to keep it at bay and eventually go away. Right now all I do is try and think about something else completely off topic, almost like trying to get a song that's stuck in my head out, but it usually comes back. So if any of you reading this have any ideas that have worked for you, I'd appreciate some thoughts in the comment section below. :)

As a whole though, I feel like I'm off to a good start, and I'm feeling hopeful for the year. Wish me luck!

The Best Year Of My Life

Well let me explain that title real quick. No, it wasn't this year. Or last year. Or the year before that.
It's really slow at work today and this idea came to me and I felt the urge to write about it.
As I get to the end of the year, I like to go over what my new years resolution was. Mine this year was that I would "meet my wife". Again, no, I'm not marriage hungry, but it was fun goal to make. I made it vague enough that I could say that I accomplished it no matter what. (to an extent) I could have walked past her in the store or something and it would have counted. So who's to say whether I failed or not?
Anyway, to sum up this year, the only word that comes to mind is "blah". It was a really 'blah' kind of year. Nothing super exciting.  Just droll in general. The highlights that come to mind would be my trip to Arizona in April, my move back to Northern Utah, and my second move into the MANsion. Moving has sort of lost its' novelty to me since it's happened so much in the last few years, and while the Arizona trip was fun and all, it's not new to my yearly things because I tend to take at least one vacation per year.
So as I'm pondering all of this, I started to think about when my last awesome year was (not counting the mish because, well, it's obvious), and one came out on top.
2007!
*insert trumpet fanfare here*
I'm not going to lie, 2007 was pretty incredible. It was my first year off of high school. I was getting ready to leave on a mission in December, and just all around great. The year started with me coming out of a unhealthy high school relationship, and I was ready for change. My social life exploded, and I swear I was doing something almost every night with friends. I worked full time but lived at home so I was rolling in money, and could afford just about anything I wanted. I made trips to Provo to visit friends. I went out to eat about 3 to 4 times per week (sit down restaurants, not fast food). My dating life was on fire (despite trying not to be distracted before the mish). There was the YSA river trip in August, and I got my mission call the same day I got back from that. We'd all go to the sand dunes in Nephi often and just go crazy (even though I ended up with stitches on my chin the last time we went that year). I worked at an awesome branch in the credit union (great boss and co-workers overall). Lastly, I was changing my life to something I really enjoyed. Got rid of bad habits, cleaned up my behaviour, and just generally felt like a better all around person. I got a gym pass, finally gained some weight and stopped looking like a malnourished child, and was in pretty decent shape. I read the Book of Mormon all the way through for the first time. Never missed a week of church, etc etc.
Anyway, you get the idea. It was awesome.
Here's what I'm thinking though; Why haven't I had a year like that since? I mean, sure, I'm a different person now since the mish; I'm older, more mature (I think), and generally have a lot more responsibilities all over (Car payments, rent, food, insurance, etc). All that lovely stuff that comes with being an adult. But as I think about it, just because I'm adult doesn't mean I can't have fun anymore, right? I mean, all of those things I did (besides the mission call) can be repeated over in my life. So why not do it again?
I guess what I'm getting down to here is I want to have a year like I did in 2007 again, and I think 2013 is a perfect place to start. Since I've already experienced such an awesome year then, I know what to do to help myself have a repeat.
So here's the plan; I need to be more social, go on at least 15 times more dates than this year (2), get back in shape (cliche, I know, I know), travel about more and visit people all over and outside of Utah, build better relationships with the friends I have, make more friends, be more financially sound, get rid of my bad habits, become more active in church and read the Book of Mormon again.
Yeah, even as I typed that list it seemed a little overwhelming, but if my 18 year old self can accomplish that without even thinking about it, what's stopping me now that I know the formula for awesome-ness?

So for all of you whoever read this and know me, keep the encouragement coming because this upcoming year is going to be epic! Hopefully I can look back and read this post at the end of it and give myself a pat on the back.

Expectations and Reality

I have two older brothers. The oldest is turning 29 in January and he's been married since 2007, has 2 kids, yadda yadda yadda. My next oldest brother is 26, and has just entered into a serious relationship. The biggest problem I'm now realizing with this is that I'm next in line, and thus, getting all the "Why aren't you married yet?" questions. Other questions include, but are not limited to; "Why don't your relationships work out?","What do you think is preventing you from dating more?","Do you think if you lost some weight more girls might be interested in you?" (I've seriously been asked that). Given, most of these questions come from my mother, but still. Today after my brother mentioned the seriousness of his current relationship, the prodding increased even further; "You know, I had TWO kids by the time I was your age. (I'm 24 now, by the way) To which my response was, "Well Ethan (my oldest brother) didn't have kids when he was my age!". Then the return was, "Well at least he was MARRIED!" (FYI, this is my mother getting on my case. She tends to be the biggest antagonist in this topic)
*sigh*
This is probably one of my biggest complaints about living in Utah. Gotta get married. Gotta get married. UGH. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not against it happening whatsoever, it's just the PRESSURE is awful. (Yeah, I'm loving the 'Shift' button tonight) And it's not helping that I'm now at the front of the line in my siblings.
Dating is just tough these days, so topics like this tend to be a sensitive subject around me. It's really easy for me to be on the defensive when it comes up. I haven't been on a date since April, so I'm obviously in some sort of dry spell that won't go away. Given, a good part of the blame is on me for this sort of thing to be happening for a couple reasons.
For one, I'm a BIG over-thinker when it comes to dating. (I'm doing it right now for this blog too, heh heh) I just analyze everything that happens and in the end it just bites me in the butt and nothing works out. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. My mind just does it automatically and I'm struggling to find the "SHUT OFF" button. It's really weird because this only really started happening in the last year or so. I'm not entirely sure what sparked it off either. *shrugs*
Secondly, I tend to be really bitter about dating. This is another thing I'm actively working to fix, but it's an attitude that struggles to go away. I've posted several blogs on the "games" of dating, and that's the main reason. It also goes a bit with the first reason, in that I'm bitter due to past experiences in dating, so I'll over-think things so I can avoid being hurt. So in my mind it's either; A: Don't think about it at all, put myself out there, and get hurt or B: Over-think just about everything that happens, and basically talk myself out of every potential person to date, etc.
So...I'm in a lose-lose situation. It's rough. Hopefully with my upcoming move some things will change and I'll get it fixed. Here's hoping!

...

Crap, I'm pretty sure I just did a post about how I didn't want to complain in this blog. Whoops! Time for some positive stuff. Umm...yes, I'm moving up to South Ogden on Dec. 1st. That should be fun. And...my Dads cousin (I'm not sure what you'd call that relationship) gave me a telescope today! It's not as nice as the one I'm saving up to buy, but it should work for now and keep me somewhat satisfied until I bust out the big guns at the beginning of next year.

Anyway, sorry about the intense-ness about dating and marriage and stuff. It was just on my mind when I got home due to the events of the day and I had to get it off my chest a bit despite my thought process jumping around a bunch. I hope you don't mind.

You don't mind, do you? Of course you don't, you're the Internet.

Random Return

You know, it's almost laughable how often I return to this blog and think about how badly I want to write in it. Problem is all I want to do is whine and complain and what not, and we all know that nobody wants to read that. I mean, there can't be that many people out there that sit down and think, "You know, I really want to read about someone else's problems right now. It would really hit the spot." Then again, people do that every day if you think about it. That's the point of the news, right? If it isn't the news it has to be something like Twilight.
Ugh...Twilight. Whoever wrote those books should be publicly stoned. My apologies to Stephenie Meyer if she ever reads this blog. (She won't)
One thing I've started doing (That I'm not entirely sure is healthy) is asking girls (that I may or may not be interested in) if they like Twilight. This is a self-destructive behavior I think. More often than not (the percentage may surprise you) I end up disappointed, and just a little bit of interest is lost. Other such follow up inquiries may include; Justin Bieber, country music, Rebecca Black, and/or True Blood/Vampire Diaries (Also known as the Twilight Children). Anyway, because such questions are asked to these ladies, more and more interest is lost. Yes it's judging a bit, but hey, I need to check compatibility, right? I mean, isn't that all that dating is? The reason you go on dates is to judge and see if a person is suitable/worthy for yourself. (That's why people warn against settling...it's like a lawsuit) Perhaps this is the reason that I haven't been on a date, cuddled, kissed, etc., a girl for the better part of this year. I really need to do something about this...
Hold on, I'm already contradicting my opening paragraph with the current tone...moving on.
So this month marks the three year mark of me being home from my mission. I'm not going to lie, it's not as weird as I thought it would be. Sure it feels like I just got home, but at the same time, it feels like I just graduated too. It also feels like I just moved back up north from Provo. (Which I did in June, by the way.) (You like how I just put that tidbit of information in here all subtly like that? I thought it was clever) So where I'm feeling like I just barely did all of those things, it just turns into this big mush pile of things that were recent but not really recent at all. Does that makes sense? That's okay, it doesn't quite make it there for me either.
So I just got over this really interesting head cold. (Silence, this isn't whining) I must say it was quite possibly the most interesting illness I have ever had. Never before have I had so many different side effects. Truly it was unusual. You know how they say no cold is the same as another? Isn't that why they've never been able to cure it? Well if that's the case I should name mine. It could be like finding a comet or something like that. (If you discover it, you get to name it) I will call it; Ridiculitis, mostly because of how ridiculous it made me. It seriously must have been nested in my brain pressing buttons in there that shouldn't be pushed. It gave me thoughts that I temporarily had psychic powers, I couldn't remember what my roommate looked like, I suddenly had awesome dance moves (True story), I started sleep walking again (I used to before the mission, but there must have been something about England that made it go away), my eyes wouldn't focus, and I was just generally not myself. Given, at least half of the reason these things happened would be due to the extra strength cold medicine I was taken, but I'm convinced that the Ridiculitis took hold of it once I had taken the pills and used the medicine for it's own uses rather than allow it to battle it away. I'm almost (Almost) (Yes, there needed to be two "almost"s but one in a parentheses for no apparent reason) miss it because of how much of an adventure it was, but oh well. Maybe it will drop by to it's now built summer home in my head next year. *shrugs*
Well that is all I have to say tonight. Sometimes when you have those really weird nights full of weird conversations with people (Girls) and all sorts of weird happenings you just need to let it out by saying a bunch of random stuff and posting it on the internet. (Didn't you know? This practice has been in place for several hundred years now. Don't ask me how, but it has been)

*sigh* Fine...

You know...there was a while there when I thought I was done with this blog. It just happens that one can run out of things to say. I thought...well...maybe a year of blogging would be enough. I suppose not. I'm still waiting for something amazing to happen in my life that I'll suddenly have lots and lots of things to blog about. Yet...here I am writing nonsense all over again. *shrugs* (Yes Wendy, it was your comment that made me put a post here again. Pat yourself on the back)
These last two weeks have been pretty rough. This first one wasn't the best because the semester was starting which meant I was suddenly broke (still am) and I now have homework again...*shakes fist threateningly*. The "broke" part I'm doing my best to deal with for now until my tax return comes in a week. I need to pay tuition and I think I'm late paying it so there will be a fee. I'm still working on student loan paperwork and what not so I don't have to worry about it anymore (for now...) but that's taking some time. Other bad things include the recent downhill turn my laptop has been making. Just the other day it crashed 8 times in 20 minutes. I was more than just a little bit annoyed. It's been doing that a lot lately among other things, so I believe it's about time that I bought a new one. Hooray for my tax return!
Other bad things include my grandma being taken to the hospital earlier this week because they thought she had a stroke. She had been having a headache so bad that it was making her cry. :( Turns out it was probably the narcotics she had been taking for her lower back pain. They weren't 100%, but they put her on a different medicine instead to see if her headache goes away. She's home now, but she still has a headache. Things were looking a bit better, then my brother got in a car accident on Saturday. Some idiot ran into the back of his car then drove away and left him there. He had to go to the ER to make sure everything was good. Nothing like receiving a picture text from my mom with my brother in a neck brace. Anyway, that was just the icing on the cake to a bad pair of weeks. I'm just hoping that it doesn't become a trilogy.
My dating life is circling the drain currently. I don't think I've been on a date in two and a half months. I made a resolution this year to date more though. I think once every two months isn't enough. The down part is that January is almost over and I still haven't had one, nor do I have one coming up. The problem isn't that I'm a wuss and won't ask anyone, it's that I don't feel like I have anyone to ask. I won't give up easily though. I'm asking around for referrals and trying to put myself out there more. We'll see how it goes. It'd be nice to start it up again.
My other resolution was to get back into shape. (Very cliche, but what can you do?) That one has been going very well actually. I enrolled in a weight lifting class this semester, and I've been running every day that I don't have class. The results are already starting to show. The fat on my face is going away, and I feel less tired every day now. I'm excited to see the final results. I just need to stick with it.
Lastly...school. School school school. This semester is fairly simple. Weight lifting, Computer Graphic Applications, Institute, and 2D Design. So far 2D Design is my favorite. It's fun to be given art projects I can do in Photoshop that are different and test what I can do. I'm looking forward to the rest of the semester with that one. The thing with school this semester is that I have class from 1 to 650pm. (blech) It's weird to leave class and have it dark outside already. My week is usually pretty full with school and work, but oh well.
Anyway, yeah, I'm boring. All I can talk about is what's going on my life and how much it stinks lately. Sorry you had to read my complaining (if you got this far). BUT...as I've said before; Sometimes it's just easier for me to write it all out here and get it off my mind.
Good luck with life whoever you are reading this!

Where have I been?

Well I'll tell you...I've been in school!! Yes yes, school is my life once again and this semester has already been a trek. Just a week or so ago I studied non stop for an American National Government exam. It was one of those where the professor gave us four questions to study, then on the day of the exam he'd pick two and we had to write a 2 page essay for each. Yeah...it was a little crazy. Fortunately, I aced it, and I feel really good about it. Goes to show that studying pays off. I'm also working on a research paper that is basically my whole grade for English, so that is fun also...but not really.
Other than that, life goes on. A couple weeks ago I started at a new branch for my work. I'm a loan interviewer yet again!! Hooray! I definitely like this job a lot more than being a teller. The great part is this time around I'm actually doing mostly loans, instead of last time where I only did new accounts. It's also good because I know what I'm doing better this time around, so I'm a lot more confident in my job. Also...I have THE MOST COMFORTABLE CHAIR!! Yeah, it's epic. I love sitting at my desk.
Anyway, just a small update. I don't really have anything specific I wanted to talk about. Just letting you know I'm still alive here.

P.S. I'm totally being a zombie for halloween!